Years ago, I only practiced two hours of piano a week, at most. This week I have been practicing three hours a day. In this very exasperated moment, I have no choice but to slog like an ox, spending invaluable hours a day just on my pieces, at a place which I once hated most. I only resumed piano lessons in March, and only started playing my three exam pieces in April. As lady luck wasn't smiling to me, my ABRSM Grade 8 Piano was scheduled on June 8th 2007. All this years, my piano exam were always scheduled in August, and I have a whole year to learn what I need to learn. And this time if I failed, my mom will unmercifully suspend my whole year of allowance. Knowing I love money very much, I pushed to dead end. Undoubtfully I'll fail this time. Speaking about my piano-story is very saddening.

Actually, I'm already quite proud of myself for being able to learn up my songs so fast this year. I remembered I was sight reading for Grade 7. I have never played a song gleefully and flawlessly before. I'm such a failure! My first piece, I managed to learned and combine both hands together within a week. Thankfully when I was at Grade 6 I played this song before. Basically I need to touch up the flaws. But I did not moved on to the second song until May as my piano teacher only received the letter regarding my exam timing end of April. In 3 weeks, I learned the so called 'most lovable piece' Mozart every wrote, which is the eight page Allegro Moderato, First Movement. But still not up to the standard yet. Today my piano teacher finished teaching me Franz Liszt's Dem Andenken Petofis. A 3 page Jazz piece. A horribly dramatic and emotional piece. It's so tough. The whole song is filled with chords, and at the cut-throat third page, the notes were composed creatively, eight notes on left versus one note on the right in a count, the left is a chord. How am I going to be able to play that? Not bad enough, I have to use the una coda pedal and the normal pedal at the same time, step it to its fullest like an eccentric person. I wonder if I can coordinate both my hands and legs together. I'd better not practice the pedaling today as I have driving class tomorrow. If not, I fear I'll hit on the accelerator to it's maximum when I go down the slope. I accidentally hit the accelerator when going down the slope the previous lesson.

Stressing more than I was during SPM and PMR. Just realise I'm currently suffering from subtle emotional changes to physical reactions such as feeling anxiety, disturbed sleeping patterns, muscular pain and tiredness. I have no idea how to cut down these unnecessary tension! But how can I be not stress when I have so much to do within this two weeks of holiday? I'm ordered  to design the Triple A Ball program booklet. I can't do things properly when I'm given strict guidelines and colour codes. It is so hard to design something very limited in colour or in black and white. I like to use various hues of colours to enhance my art piece! Everything now will be greyish, how boring. Worse still printed in-house at CLC, using normal coloured A4 paper. Cheapskate-la SyUC! Even SMKSU's Unity Dinner Program Booklet was printed on a glossy piece of cardboard. I guess I should be highly rewarded this time for spending so much time and putting so much effort in A Level Student Council! I was asked for help, or rather taken advantaged off to number all 400 tickets of the AAA Ball Night using Adobe Photoshop. After coming out with the food menus for Charity Food Sale, which was Ying Wei's task,  A Level Student Council Organization Chart, A Level Teachers' Day Invitation Card, Ms Wong gave me her claim that she was mesmerized with my work and wanted me to design the program booklet. I'd to meet her immediately after Economics Exam. Oh well, I hope since Jiong Jian is leaving, I can be promoted to take over the Vice President post. At least the rank and name sounds better than the busy Secretary of A Level Student Council.

Resulting from that, I'm experiencing intellectual symtoms of stress too! I have serious short term memory loss, quite indecisive lately, loss in concentration, easily confused, lacking in judgement skills, unable too let the mind rest and difficulties in comprehending instructions. And physical symtoms such as constant headaches, I get headache at least twice a week, digestive problems, acne breakout, fatigueness, massive loss of hair, sleeping disorder! What la, seventeen enduring stress like a seventy one!

I wonder why, I feeling emptiness in me lately. Our opinions differ. We have different views and perception of things. I became more kiasu, he became more relaxed. I become more stingy, he became more spendthrift. I became less advanturous, he became more playful. I shall not elaborate further =D Guess it's a good thing we're in different college! At least we won't influence me. hahahaa.

In Malaysia, lacking of efficiency is acceptable. Malaysia is the classic example of "First Class facility, Third Class mentality". Complaining five times in a week, three weeks ago finally brought results. The technician from Streamyx only received my complaint report the day before he came. The technicians adjusted my wireless port at my rooftop. According to the technician, previously, Streamyx had been providing Wireless service illegally. They didn't have their own frequency for wireless broadband service. As a result of that, I'd been suffering from frequent internet instability. And, only recently, they have applied license for their Wireless Service, and have their own frequency for us consumer to tune in! Now I can be connected to Streamyx legally, hopefully lesser problems.

Had my finals this week, 4 papers in 3 days! General Papaer and Accounting was on Monday. Two toughest papers! In General Paper, we had to pick 2 essays write within the two hour time frame out of 15 questions. And for me, all the 15 was so tough, the easiest was "Is it wrong to deny the young to learn art". Out of the 15 questions, there were 2 questions I could not even understand the meaning behind the quotation! And in Accounting, there were tricks in every sentence! The sentences were misleading and long winded! Felt inferior, was it my English that was so bad or it was seriously tough? But thankfully, I'm still at the top 25% in Accounting. I don't need to attend extra class for Accounts during the holidays! =D

Mathematics was harder than I expect too. Luckily it was not as bad as Accounting. I hope I could obtained at least a B for Accounting. Sigh. Had Econs on Thursday. This was the easiest paper as the whole class had seen the paper before the exam. Two weeks before, Mr Soma gave the class some MCQ exercises and told the class the exam standard would be something like that. Then, the same day, I borrowed Ms Tan's Economics Work book and photocopied it. A 86 page book cost me RM 13.00 at Edeton! What a scam, I'm not going to photocopy anything from Edeton anymore! Don't know lucky or not, all the questions from the exam came out from the same book! Mr Soma photocopied 25 questions from that same book! Luckily I did that book last week! But unfortunately I did not rectify my problem as I did it while watching my nightly Chinese Dramas. So, I made the same old mistake and scored 25/30. Saddening right? Hopefully I can score full marks for my Essay! Should have believed Mr Soma. He look so not convincing with his malicious sly smile when the class asked him was that the mid year exam paper! Glad that exam's over. But regret that I should have studied every tips given by Mr Soma! I'll next time.


Holiday has officially started! But I have so much to do within this two weeks! I have to practice piano like an eccentric person, shed of four kg that I put on last month, clear the zits of my face and regain back my radiant complexion, jump more as my youngest bro, Adam is growing taller and taller and I need to brush up in English and Accounting. Lately, I'm always puzzled with my grammar and spelling. Sigh ever since the 'March 12' incident, my level of language is suffering a serious decline!

There's something that agitated me for over a month. My Streamyx connection has been TERRIBLE, and for the pass five days, I could not even connect, not even for a minute! When called to the customer service, all they know how to answer was, "I don't know" or "I'll write a report regarding this matter".  After calling the customer service twice or thrice a day for past five days, no actions were taken at all. I have been suffering connection problem for the pass 2 months, became more severe last month and worst is, I have been paying regularly. I'm considering to change to JARING Broadband services. I hope to buy a PDA too, so I can make use of the WIFI services provided at college, Starbucks, etc.

I have been rather busy lately. Successfully organised Teachers' Day Mini Concert last week, designed few pages of the slides for multimedia presentation and the invitation card for teachers. I was grinning from ear to ear when my program director commented that the invitation card was nice, thank me, and the best of all, she asked me for my name! I love being acknowledged or remembered. That is why, I kept telling eveyone when my birthday was, all I wanted was to be remembered, and greeted during my birthday, Thankfully, I received so so so many SMSes. I was delighted, other than Ian bought me an L size T shirt.

Overloading stress. Why? My final semester 1 exam is just days away. My piano exam is just 2 and a half weeks away, and I just resumed lessons in April. Can't even play my 8 page Allegro Moderato properly, have not even learn the third song. I prepared to fail. Sigh. Grade 8. Which means, if I fail, I would have to take it again next year, but by then, A2 would be approaching! Goosh, STRESS. Another problem is, I have recently cultivated the habit of eating extra rice, and eating junk food after dinner. I also recently started eating supper. As a result, I gained 4Kg, can't fit in all my jeans, I wear pants to college now, and I only wear the casual, boring T-Shirts to college. Aiyoh, and my face look extra chubby now. SOmeone HELP me to kick off my eating habit.

=D

After gulping down my 1 shot Espresso, I have been feeling a strange discomfort in my chest area. It isn't really hurtful, but there's an intense preasure and occasional stinging pain at my chest. It is more like an internal-muscle-strain in my heart. Not the first time occuring though, but I really wonder why it only occurs when I drink caffeined beverages. The pain has been persisting since yesterday.

Ignoring the pain, Ms See's Maths class on Friday is permanently changed to 1 p.m. to 2.30 p.m.  from  2.30 p.m. to 4.00 p.m.. The good thing is, if there is no dance class, I can go back home straight after class at 2.30 p.m. The bad thing is, I'll have to wait two hours before dance class.

College was like usual. Seeing the CIMPians with their mismatch attire really amuse me with how some of them can be so cooperative! Majority wore different sides of shoes.  Tee Yew wore a long sleeve shirt, with a necktie that was half tied, which shorts and shoe at one side, and slipper at the another. And Simone, her jeans was one side folded up! Haha, some of them look quite funny! Certainly it was entertaining to be sitting in the cafeteria observing different kinds of people with various styles of fashion.

Had General Paper test today. Kinda screwed up the paper as I have no inspirations, although it was something I like. "Happiness depends on the amount of money one has". In the essay, I have to disagree with that statement. But realistically in my case, being a person who realises the importance of money since young, happiness can indeed be derived from the amount of money one has. For instance, if a philantrophist suddenly donates 100 K USD to a family living in povrety in the heart of Sudan or Etopia, obviously that family will be more than delighted, and will be able to use the money to buy their essential needs and unlimited wants. In this case, money indeed can buy happiness. Obviously, money can buy temporary happiness, but not true everlasting happiness. But for me, I havent really experienced a true everlasting happiness, not that I could remember right now, but what I think is, right now only money can make me happy! I can buy my Nokia E65, my O2 Atom Zink, Guess handbag, Gucci Sling bag, FCUK items, Calvin Klien Jeans, more of TOMMY Hilfiger clothes, and other luxury items which I'm hoping to get in the near future. *Aiyoh, so materialistic*

Anyways, it's kinda late now. Wanted to talk about Cho-Seung Hoi's Virginia Tech case. Anyway, Nites!
I'll talk about it tomorrow then.

Tagged by: Poh Nee & Vivien

LAYER 1 : ON THE OUTSIDE

Name : Aurelia Tiam Wen Ying

1. Vivien http://sweetlikechocolates.blogspot.com
2. Pei Yi  http://poignantmelody.wordpress.com
3. Poh Nee http://akira-sephiroth.blogdrive.com
4. Aman  http://electrichair.blogspot.com
5. Eugene http://realisation.blogdrive.com

Friday was a freaking miserable day for me. Initially, I joined dance classes with the intention of learning some skills as well as taking dance as a form of exercise. However, to my disappointment, I could not even do the first few steps. I just somehow could not focus and could not coordinate myself. I could not even remember the first few basic steps at that point, what more now. I felt such a failure. The dance class dismissed 20 minutes later than it was schedule. Mom came at 5.30 p.m. She gave her annoyed face to me. Seeing my disappointed and sad look at my face, she gave me a shout. I'm already disappointed that I'm such a failure, she kept telling me how stupid I am when it comes to learning. It's a fact that I'm a slow learner. I just don't get it why does she need to remind me about the sadistic truth. The whole weekend, mom kept reminding me how stupid I am, and even announce to my brothers and dad about how stupid I am. Oh well... WTH, I do not care anymore-la. Say whatever she wants. I just can't wait to study abroad with a scholarship in future, would be better if it's with a bond at overseas, so that I can stay away longer! At times, I wonder why my mother hates me so much. I sometimes doubt, did she picked me up from the rubbish bin? Why is she exceptionally harsh on me? Why she washes and fold everyone's clothes except mine? Why do I have to beg for everything I want? My brothers do not even need to ask for what they want, my mom will give it to them! Everything I do, irritates mom. Sigh. I have forgotten what's love since I was nine. My mom has been cold and ignorant towards me since 9. I clearly remembered all the be***ngs I get that year. I clearly remember everything.

Miserable girl here,
All depressed in her solitary world,
She shed tears of pain,
But her cry was inaudible.
Forlornly, she moaned
in her little world of misery,
with no one that truly care for her.

As the days get older,
what's left was painful memories,
that even ocean of tears can't wash away.

Toughen by disappointment,
Hatred becomes revenge,
She will strive hard
to defend herself,
to fend herself,
to reveal daylight in her solitary world,
and to gain happiness.

One day, Miserable girl will...
be happy, to make others unhappy.
be rich, to make others jealous.
be pretty, to be the center of the attraction
strive hard, to be at the pinnacle of her life.

College was like usual. Nothing much unusual. Registered for my Kursus this Saturday. I'm most likely going with Brandon. Can't imagine myself listening for that kursus Undang for 6 hours straight! Can't wait to drive! =D hehe...